A POST Mothers Day Post

As a woman, I guess you could say I’m pretty intact with my emotions. Have you ever heard of the Left-brain vs Right-brain theory? A person who is "left-brained" is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective, while a person who is "right-brained" is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective. Well you don’t have to know me for longer than 3 minutes to know I think a lot more with the right side of my brain.That analytical side of my brain took a vacation when I was like 14 and never...returned... damn-it.

I’m very particular about who I hangout with, about who I talk to, who I tell things too, who knows the truth about this and the truth about that; I’ve tiptoed around everyone I associate with because I had fear they’d judge, I had some of my own issues, and I didn’t want them to do something that could hurt us, so I kept people at a safe distance. And nothing ever helped me solve this problem. In fact, it just got worst as I got older. Suddenly I didn’t like hanging out in big groups, and I didn’t like going too far from home. I liked to live and take risks, but none that took me too far. I liked playing it safe. And this was even the case when I got pregnant, which is why I started writing. It helped me actually process and feel that first whirlwind of emotions that come with change, and pregnancy. Writing helped me remember and focus my thoughts.

This year on Mothers day, I stopped and took a second  to see how far I’ve grown. How can this be measured, though? Are we really the best people to measure our own personal growth? Most books I've read say that measuring internal growth can be hard If you don’t have discipline or honesty. I have zero discipline so count me out.   

                                                                                                                                                                                           I start to look around and compare all the amazing people in our life, than and now. I love to admire the people who have made an effort to be apart of our journey; Perhaps this could be an easy way for me to re-cap over the growth I’ve made since becoming a momma. You can see the sacrifices I’ve made for family, the people I’ve included (and un-included) along this journey along with the stories and lessons each has taught me. And those special individuals who have been a intricate part in our lives. But other people can't make up my happiness. 

   

I come from a very, very, very dysfunctional family. And as much as I’ve tried for a different outcome, the family that was given to you isn’t always the family you want to have. Motherhood has allowed me to see clearer than I ever have before. Because when you have something to        fight for, you’ll fight so much harder.  It made me realize that I have to respect myself, and if not for me, than for my son. self esteem is so important. The concept of self worth is so important! I need to teach him how to be kind and how to respect people. But most importantly, himself. I want him to love himself for the beautiful intricate little boy he is, and for whoever he turns out to be 

  

Today I am growing confident in my relationship with God, with my fiancé, son and with myself. There is a million and one little cutsie things I love about motherhood, like when those little feet learn how to walk, the holiday traditions that you get to conquer as a family, & ven the really simple smell of Johnson Johnson lavender bedtime bath makes me smile, but the thing that’s really filling my heart up with joy this Wednesday morning, three days after Mothers Day, is the fact that I’m raising my son, using the directive and guidance that God gives me, and adding the support, love and laughter my friends and family give me along the way. I am so far from perfect, but I’ve came along way. And I am proud of the person who is sitting here today.

But you know who I’m even more proud of? 

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This little kiddo!!

For showing me how to live,

and how to love.

Happy Mothers Day-
to all the beautiful mothers that are commited daily to those beautiful little souls. Cheers to raising happy, kind children!

But and to this lovely lady-Your wisdom goes beyond your years, Gramsbear. I feel so specail to be a part of your life. You are such a vibrant, energetic, independant woman and you are the beautiful role model in our family. We all aspire to be like you in so many ways. Thank you for giving us so many great reasons to live our life through your lessons. I love you with my whole heart. XO